Growing up, I didn’t always agree with my parents’ decisions. But disagreeing didn’t make me defiant—it made me human. Our dogs, in their own way, have disagreements too.
A lot of families I work with tell me, “My dog knows what to do; she just doesn’t want to do it,” or “He’s being sassy,” or “She’s testing me.”
If that’s you, I want you to know: It’s okay!
I’m not writing this post to make you feel guilty or “too soft.” You love your dog, and you’re trying your best to understand her. We’ve just all been taught the wrong story.
So let’s talk about what’s really happening when your dog “talks back”—and how we can respond in a way that builds trust instead of conflict.
Pushback or Communication? Learning to Read the Signs
Dogs don’t have words. They can’t say, “I’m feeling anxious,” or “This environment is overwhelming,” or “I’m confused about what you want from me.”
They communicate with their bodies. They pause. They freeze. They look away. They back up. They jump. They bark. They roll onto their back and flail. They tug on the leash and dig in their heels.
And sometimes, they yell.
When they do, they’re not being “bad.” They’re saying something matters to them. They might be communicating stress, pain, fear, or confusion. That’s not naughtiness, that’s information! It’s information we can use to help them feel safer, more successful, and more connected to us.
Let’s Reframe “Pushback”
When a dog resists something we’re asking them to do, our first instinct might be to label it:
- “He’s being stubborn.”
- “She’s giving me attitude.”
- “He’s trying to test me.”
But let’s try reframing those thoughts into curious, compassionate questions:
Instead of “he’s being stubborn,” try:
- “He may not understand.”
- “He may be overwhelmed.”
- “He may not feel safe.”
- “He may not be physically able to do what I’m asking.”
Instead of “she’s giving me attitude,” try:
- “She might need more help.”
- “She might be uncomfortable.”
- “She might be telling me she’s not okay.”
These kinds of shifts change everything. We stop seeing our dogs as defiant and start seeing them as trying.
Becoming Your Dog’s Translator
When I coach families, my job isn’t to “fix” their dog.
My job is to help them listen.
I help parents learn to decode their dog’s behavior so they can respond with empathy and intention. I act as a kind of translator—someone who helps bridge the gap between “He’s being bad” and “He’s trying to tell me something.”
And once you learn to listen, the whole dynamic changes.
Your dog stops needing to “shout.” You stop needing to “correct.” And suddenly, there’s space for teamwork.
If Your Dog Resists, Get Curious—Not Forceful
If your child screamed every time you approached a certain hallway, you wouldn’t just try harder to drag them through it. You’d get curious. You’d slow down. You’d investigate.
Your dog deserves the same compassion.
Curious about what your dog might be trying to tell you? That’s where Loyal Pawrenting comes in. I’m here to help you strengthen your relationship, one moment of understanding at a time.
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